Category Archives: antifa

The Blade Reboot

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Very soon, or not so long ago, in either this universe or an adjacent one, Hollywood will green-light the production of a Blade reboot fitting for a generation that demands fan service. The following details are what I have managed to glean during my time in The Ether*:

In the opening scene, Blade will sneak into a studio, where a Trump-figure is giving a speech to a lone camera, and cleave the head of the Commander in Chief clear off his body. After which, Blade will utter something to the effect of, “four years of this shit is just too long”, right before kicking him off the dais. A brief fight will take place, where Blade will slice up the president’s human body guards until he is confronted by vampire secret service, which will lead in an elaborate chase scene where Blade will demonstrate his ability to run off of walls, and parkour off of buildings, as he tries to make a daring escape.

And just before he gets caught, an ally will swerve into his path and tell him to get in. (This is where Whistler is introduced.) Blade’s reaction will be something like, “you?”, to which Whistler will reply “you were expecting a grizzly biker dude? This is Thanksgiving ’07 all over again; get in”, (Typical of Hollywood trends, Whistler will be portrayed be a woman.) Blade will ask her how she knew how to find him, and she’ll indicate that it’s all over the news. Then she’ll ask what that was all about, and Blade will say something like, “Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.” Whistler will just stare at him awkwardly and inquisitively. And Blade will reply, “and you know the rest”.

Later, Blade will go on to explain that Trump-figure was just a puppet; a part of a larger scheme, and that something more sinister is going on in our government, though just what that is will require more digging.

We will learn, that the U.S. government has been infiltrated and is being manipulated by a shadow government, composed of an elitist coven of ultra-fair-skinned vampires, and that they’re using religion to justify congress passing sweeping legislation that would ban the practice of abortion. Blade will comment about how the true purpose of organised religion has always been to manipulate the feeble-minded public.

We’ll come to learn that the abortion ban is a crucial step in a conspiracy to force women to unwittingly carry vampire spawn to term. Like Blade, these vampires be all be immune to the sun, yet a few experimental others will have been given genetic enhancements by their obstetricians during routine checkups. And, of course, none of the mothers would survive child birth. This tugs at Blade’s heartstrings, because he knows that his mother bore him at a time when women hadn’t yet won the right to choose.

Later, details of the locations of key facilities involved in the conspiracy are revealed, including that of the chief scientist overseeing the development of vampire spawn. Whistler will break into this facility and confront the chief scientist, andsay “I thought you scientists were supposed to be objective, seeing things more clearly; why are you doing this?” And the chief scientist (a female, and her equal) will say something like, “don’t you know that all lives matter?” And whistler will respond with, “that doesn’t apply to parasites” right before bashing up cylinders and petri dishes filled with zygotes and foetuses and various other experiments—absolutely wrecking the lab—until the scientist loses her temper and tries to strangle the vigilante. The scene ends with her dead, and the fate of Whistler uncertain.

Later, when Blade confronts the elitist vampires, they’ll talk about how they are ushering in a new age he should be on their side, as vampires are clearly the superior race. Blade will respond with something like, “every tyrant thinks he’s better than his predecessors, and that he’s offering something new to his people, but it’s always the same story. And now I find myself, once again, in the uncomfortable position of having to water the Tree of Liberty”. The leader of the elitists will quip, “history is written by the victors”, and Blade will respond with, “we’ll see about that”.

He’ll then begin to eliminate the elitist vampires, even as they try to overwhelm him with their numbers; yet using superhuman moves never before demonstrated outside of video games, he will overcome them. And then, when it comes down to the very last vampire, he’ll say something like, “It’s true what they say: history repeating itself. But this generation, it’s not going to put up with that kind of shit anymore,” before landing the killing blow.

*often, while engaged in activities that involve water, my mind slips into a realm where all ideas (past, present, and future) litter a river of collective thought known as The Ether.