Monthly Archives: September 2012

Bitches Britches®


I think it’s high time the designers in New York and L.A. came out with a new fad in men’s fashion.

Suffice it to say, I’m bored with men’s boxers, as they are. Sure they look great. They’ve got those sexy labels around the waistband. And that oh-so-soft feel to the touch! And those lovely wrinkles that unfold when they spill out of their denim cage that just makes you wanna grab those buns and . . . . mmm-mm!

But you know, there’s still just something missing . . . .

I’ve got it! They’re just too. Damned. Silent. It’s missing that . . . .  Man Crunch!

Ladies, you know what I mean. When your Alpha-male pulls up a chair, he wants everyone in the room to know he’s ready to do business. That’s why I’ve envisioned a new trend in male underwear.

We’ll call them “Bitches Britches®” (or B.B.’s for short), and male icons everywhere will be donning their B.B.’s proudly.

Made of an innovative blend of cotton, polyester and synthetic fibers, this super absorbent design uses capillary action to wick moisture away, maximizing dryness — even through the heaviest of workouts!

Every time your man slips on a fresh pair of B.B.’s, they’ll deliver that classic, crisp, crinkly sound — so you’ll know he’s fresh!

With these bad boys on, he’ll be confident around you, and the envy of his crew!

And for those hot, ravenous, anticipatory nights, they even come with sexy Velcro® waist fasteners for easy removal — so just as quickly as he puts them on, you’ll be ripping them off!

Go get ’em Tigress! Rrrreeow!


On A Lighter Note


Encephalofelinus –

Pronounced: in-se-fə-lō-fē-lī-nəss

Encephalofelinus (or ECF) is the often terminal, yet treatable condition of simply having “too many cats on the brain”.

Symptoms may include: Exhaustive online inquiries of cat or kitten based imagery (promptly followed by compulsive and relentless posting of such material), incessant inclusion of cats into every conversation, and Lolspeak.

“If you suffer from encephalofelinus, you know who you are. For our sake, and your own, please, get help. Do it now. Before it’s too late.”

[This message is brought to you in part by: The Online Community Against Lolspeakers; Every Dog In The World and; The Society Of Jealous Pets Who Believe That All Cats Are Over-Rated Narcissistic Furballs Who Hog All Our Masters Attention And Whose Litter Boxes Stink and; viewers like you.]

“I used to be a sufferer of ECF, but now there’s help.”

“It’s called…. Felestra®.”

“Felestra® is the only drug FDA approved to treat my ECF!”

“There is no known cure for encephalofelinus. But thanks to Felestra®, now I am in control of my kitten cravings.”

“Since I started taking Felestra®, my friends are talking to me again!”

Felestra® is not right for everyone. Ask your doctor if Felestra® is right for you!”

[Side effects may include itching; sneezing; fever; watery eyes; swelling of the thyroid glands; chronic kitten-based hallucinations; acute insomnia due to a need to pick up all of the bouncing kitties and; uncontrollable purring.]

“Felestra®. It’s kitties in a capsule.”

“Now in easy-to-swallow, extra strength LiquiGels!”

Worth The Price


[click image to enlarge]

I’ve noticed a rather disturbing trend, and I suspect it is neither recent, or isolated.  I believe it is a common view, shared by many. (Liberals and Conservatives alike.)

I have just one thing to say about it, and I’ll leave it at that:

How are we going to blame BIG BUSINESS, Corporate America, for putting a number on our heads, our lives; viewing us as little more than figures, dollar signs; as they gut our pay, slash our benefits, or sever our employment—all for the sake of the bottom line—even while we’re doing it ourselves?

Is this a symptom of corporate culture seeping into our private lives, changing our autonomous psychology, or is it something subtler, perhaps more sinister?

You decide.

Straw Man


Many have asked me: “What is your obsession with context and the bigger picture? Why does it matter why we think the way they think? Why do we need to know why we’re right and they’re wrong? Shouldn’t just being right be enough?”

Well the answer is simple:

My biggest problem is that sometimes we join the right side, or arrive at the right conclusions, for all the wrong reasons. And to me, that’s tantamount to working for the other side, because it ultimately leaves us vulnerable to the opposition: either by our inability to formulate a solid argument in our defense, or by our incredibility as a witness.

And this does happen to us, mind you, time and time again: The weakest among us are often selected as straw men by major networks, easily knocked down by tactically chosen, well-paid, veritable bulldogs on national television.

No, if we truly wish to be positive witnesses, it should be to educate ourselves as much as possible in those things that we openly admit we believe in. And if not, it is better that we should bite our tongues, lest someone call us out on the subject—whereby we would betray not only ourselves, but also our beliefs and those that share them.

Science In Context


I realise this is a reiteration of my previous blog, I’ll Have What She’s Having, but I think this perhaps simplifies the matter a little better.

Written along the lines of children’s catechism, a brief Q & A.

Q: What is science?

A: Whatever the experts tell us it is.

Q: How do we know that science is true?

A: By following the scientific method.

Q: But a lot of science is beyond the grasp of laypersons, such as myself.

A: Then become an expert: Dedicate your life to studying the fields of science.

Q: But what if I don’t have time to dedicate my life to the fields science?

A: Then you’ll just have to trust those who do.

The moral of the story is: We’re all sheep, but we’re sheep by choice—more or less.

We all defer to the experts. It’s just practical, really. Who has time to study these things but the professionals, themselves? We are a specialised society, and we can only perform so many functions at a given time. So just as we trust our electricians, when they tell us not to flip that switch; our mechanics, when they insist this engine needs an overhaul; our politicians, when they say it’s time to take on a new and menacing threat; we must trust our scientists and our theologians for the answers that we, ourselves, do not have the time or resources to answer.

Not to say that any of this is right or wrong—that’s for you to determine on your own—but there you have it; it’s all we have to work with, at the moment.

Who knows, perhaps one day we will achieve great wisdom, albeit not as individuals, but as a collective consciousness. Then again, if Twitter and Facebook are any indication, perhaps it will be our own undoing.